The Sohmas Visit the Dentist
by Chandy-girl
Summary: Title's self explanitory Maham ensured!


The Sohma's go to the Dentist

This is a crack-fic. Take nothing seriously.

Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me.

"Ah, Miu, what's my schedule like today," said Dr. Sato to his assistant.

"You're not going to like it," said Miu nervously.

"What do you mean 'I'm not going to like it', I love my job!" he paused, "Unless you mean... no, it can't be time yet..."

"I've cleared out your schedule for the entire day. The Sohmas are coming."

* * * * * * *

Tick-tock. Tick-tock.

The clock's ticking was the only noise in the waiting room. Inside were 13 angry people, and one very tired doctor. Each person was quietly fuming, until someone broke the silence.

"But Ha'ri, do we _have_ to go today?" This was Shigure.

Hatori glanced up; he had spent the whole of yesterday and the early morning of today, gathering the entire Sohma clan. This had included tracking down small children hiding in trees, tracking down grown adults hiding in trees, sorting out fake illnesses and stopping Akito and Shigure's sudden desire to elope to China. All to bring them to one place: The Dentist.

"Yes, because it has been one year since the last appointment, and with the junk you all eat, you all probably need to see the dentist. Also, Shigure, I would expect that tone from one of the children, not a grown man."

Shigure opened his mouth to say something back, but was interrupted, by the arrival of the nurse.

"Sohma Akito, can you please follow me?" The Nurse looked oddly nervous.

"No."

"Akito..." said Hatori dangerously.

"I don't understand why it has to go in alphabetical order. I say we start at the bottom of the alphabet."

"Yeah, and that damn rat can go first for once," this was Kyou.

Yuki rolled his eyes, "Well, I, unlike you, you stupid cat, am not afraid of the dentist."

Kyou stood up, "You calling me a coward?!"

Hatori pulled him down and said, "Just go, Yuki, we'll go backwards."

10 minutes later, Yuki and Nurse Miu, appeared again.

"Why, Yuki," gushed Miu, "I've never seen anyone with more beautiful and perfect teeth," She smiled sweetly at him, while batting her eyelashes.

"Hear that, Kyou, perfect teeth," grinned Yuki serenely.

Kyou lunged at Yuki.

Hatori and Haru quickly jumped up to separate them.

Hatori glared at them, "Now look what you did," he sighed, pointing to the paintings on the wall, which has fallen off the walls and cracked. "Don't worry we'll pay for it," he said to the nurse.

The nurse was in too much shock to say anything. After a while she managed to croak out, "Sohma Shigure."

Shigure stood up, with a look of utmost pain etched on his face.

"Do I _haaavvee _to?"

"What are you? 5?" snapped Hatori, "Get inside."

"That's what she said," smirked Shigure.

"You pervert! I' going to-"

"Hey, how come you get to kill Shigure and I wasn't allowed to kill Yuki," whined Kyou.

A mass argument broke out throughout the waiting room.

"Silence!" roared Hatori, "Kyou, shut up. Shigure get inside the dentist room!"

Shigure paused at the door, as he had hoped to escape during the mass distraction. He sighed and sulked as he walked into the dentists.

As Shigure walked out, looking like a sulky child, the nurse said, "Sohma Ritsu, can you follow me please."

Ritsu stumbled up to the Miu, "Of course I can, I'm so sorry to keep you waiting! I don't deserve to live because I have wasted your precious time! Kill me now!"

Miu looked alarmed, "No, don't die!"

But Ritsu was on the floor howling something about time. Miu tried to touch his arm, as a gesture to get him up and follow her, but all he could do is sob, "Don't touch me, you don't need to sully yourself with such a useless thing like me!"

In the end, Hatori and Kureno had to drag him into the dentist's room and put him on the chair. The others outside could hear sobs and apologies for the sobs echoing from the room.

When Ritsu and Miu reappeared, Miu looked absolutely exhausted and Ritsu still looked like he wanted to kill himself.

"Sohma Rin," said Miu exhaustedly.

Rin stood up and glared at everyone. She then proceeded to walk towards the nurse, when all of a sudden; she turned around and made a run for the window. Unluckily for her, Hatori had already thought of that and was sitting right in front of it. Unluckily for Hatori, he had not thought through this plan well enough, so when Rin rushed to the window, she ran straight into Hatori. What this ended up with was Rin sprawled on the floor and Hatori rubbing his painful head.

After Rin returned, the nurse said, "Sohma Momiji"

Momiji bounded up joyfully, "Yay, my go! I was so bored waiting. Let's go! Let's go!"

Miu looked terrified.

"I know I'll sing a song! That'll make this even more fun!"

The others Sohmas looked at each other amusedly. Indeed, as Momiji was inside the dentist's room, there was the sound of a small boy trying to sing with a dentist sticking equipment into his mouth. For those who wish to know what it sounds like, it went something like this:

"_Oiew welk twy bussheof meinera tweesth!"_

Miu and Momiji reappeared looking entirely different. Miu had the look of sheer exhaustion etched on her face, while Momiji had a look of pure elation on his.

"Did you guys hear me sing!" he said with a flourish.

There were general sniggers around,

"See," Momiji continued, "They told me that I couldn't possibly be able to sing when the dentist is doing my teeth."

Miu looked like she was about to cry.

Hatori tactfully asked, "Whose next?"

Nearly weeping, Miu trembled, "Sohma Kyou."

Hatori looked worried; Kyou wouldn't be any good for Miu's state.

"Be nice," whispered Shigure to Kyou.

"Yeah, nice," muttered Kyou, "I can be nice."

Yuki started sniggering, which he turned into a violent coughing fit.

Kyou glared at Yuki and stood up and walked up to Miu.

"So...uh" he said awkwardly, putting his hand behind his head while the others started sniggering, "Should I go inside?"

Miu smiled at him, glad to finally meet someone 'normal' in the family and she led him into the surgery.

A few minutes there was the shout of, "What do you mean I need fillings!" which was followed by a large crash.

Kyou stormed out of the room and sat down, crossing his arms angrily.

Miu walked out looking dazed, "In two minutes can Sohma Kureno follow me," She then disappeared into the dentist's room to clean up the mess.

Thankfully for Miu, Kureno's appointment passed without any problems. This was a good thing, as Miu would have probably had a mental breakdown.

The next few Sohmas past by without any major incidents. Kisa and Hiro demanded to go togrther (well Hiro demanded, Kisa just nodded), Hatsuharu looked majorly depressed as he went in and Kagura wailed for Kyou to accompany her like Hiro accompanied Kisa. Of course Kyou didn't, which caused Kagura to become furious and beat him up around the room. Hatori didn't need an appointment because he went the week before because he knew as soon as he had left the room everyone would have vanished.

Ayame, unlike the others, was very excited to go to the dentist.

"Of course I shall have perfect teeth," he said dramatically waving his arms about, "It may be so perfect that they could put me for teeth modelling."

"Just get through the door, Ayame" said Hatori through gritted teeth, "We're nearly done."

10 minutes later there were screams from the dentist, "What do you mean I need a tooth pulled out!" Ayame said sobbing, "What am I going to do without a tooth."

"It's nothing to worry about Mr Sohma," said the dentist as he walked out with a sobbing Ayame leaning on him, "It just happens that one tooth has started to decay. It's at the back of your mouth so no one will notice."

The last person to go in was Akito.

"Be good," muttered Hatori to her.

"Aren't I always?" she replied.

Silence echoed around the waiting room as Akito went in. Hatori was worried, silence in this family was never a good sign.

Then the screaming began.

Except it wasn't Akito's screams, but rather a man's.

The dentist ran out followed by Miu, who was then followed by Akito.

Who was holding a drill, cackling manically.

"Everyone run!" yelled Hatori.

As they past the Miu and the dentist, Hatori said "So, the same time next year?"

I randomly found this in my documents. It was only half complete so I had to add the ending, so it may not fit. Hope you liked it

Please review.


End file.
